.:DoLpHiN’s BloG:.

It was a nightmare… Something i wouldn’t want to go through again. I was using my brother’s computer the other day and i was writing a mail to them telling them bout my brother wanting to scold me cos my friends stayed over at my place till bout 1 something… I said stupid brother in the mail and he got angry obviously… I went off his computer after that cos i was also angry cos he read my mail. My mum saw me angry and she asked me what happened… I told her and she did the one thing i wouldn’t want her to do… She scolded my brother… I always get really scared when my brother gets angry with anything… It makes me shake and i feel as though my heart’s going to stop… My parents started scolding him and my dad started shouting till his lips turned white… I was so freaked out… I could only stay in my room… I really couldn’t take it… Then he started refering to me as the tell-tale when he spoke to my other brother… It hurt me so much… Everyone says that he’s soon forget… Well, people who think that… You don’t know my brother at all… That’s something he’ll never ever do…

He just found out a way to block any computer from getting internet excess… He’s planning to do it to whoever who pisses him off… so he told my brother… Well, guess what?? Doesn’t that person sound like me?? He can’t even pass me the house keys to open the door so i can get in… He’s probably leave me out there if he was the only one at home…

I’m forever living in fear at home… It’s really very scary… I know other people go through shit and i’m sorry if i burdened some people with my problems… Thanks for all the advice and support…

I’ve got sick of polo after yesterday’s game… It was too rough and not fun at all… Starting swimming classes again on Wednesday together with my friend who’s taking the basic competitive swimming classes… It’ll be pretty fun…

Going through a lot of shit and i have really bad mood swings now… Can’t get it out of me… Ugh… Uni’s hectic… Classes are tough… Lecturers aren’t good at all… Sigh… I really wonder what’ll happen to me soon… If this keeps up… I really feel like shifting out… But i don’t think i can… I need to get away from all this… Hmm…

Sook Wai: Hi!! Everything was going fine till this… Haha… Anyway, hope you’re having a great time over there… I don’t think this semester’s gonna be a nice one… I forsee a lot of HARD WORK!! Haha… You take care too… All the best to ya!! Keep in touch ya?? *Hugz*

It’s now 2.05 am on a Saturday morning and i’m still up… Had no classes today… Woke up at 10.45 am. Watched a little TV, played a little piano, played computer games for a while till it was time for lunch… After lunch, went back to computer games then it was time to get ready for swimming. I was really supposed to study today… Looks like i didn’t again… Argh!!

Anyway, went for swimming at bout 5 pm at Kiara with MX and Kah Ming. Then, went back to my place for a while to get my bag, then Kah Ming and i went to Devi’s Corner for dinner… MX couldn’t join us… David joined us after a while… Talked for a while then went to pay the bill… After that, we went to Bangsar Village… I wanted to disturb Li Ying… Hehe… Stayed there, talked to everyone and helped Li Ying close up… After Li Ying went back, i showed the guys the miniature garden… Played around there for awhile then we had to decide where to go after that… We ended up at the play-ground cos i wanted to play on the swings… Haha… We played on the see-saw too… Had a great time… Got tired of it after awhile then we came back to my place and we just talked bout… everything!! Haha… They left bout like 1 something… It was really fun…

I’m planning to go swimming every week from now till my swimming competition… Kah Ming and i actually had a programme today… We finished 200m warm-up and did a few more laps then we went on to 10 x 50m… Woah… Tiring after not doing it for so long… But it felt really good after that…

Got hungry again after the guys left so i cooked my own Marmee Mee… Hehe… Feeling satisfied now… Time to sleep… Haha… I will get to my books tomorrow… I better anyway… Nitez!!!

It’s back to studying for now!! Started uni this week. Finally got to see all my lecturers and i’m not pleased with 3 out of 4 of them… Argh!! Why lar?? Why must they try so hard with slangs?? Well, i really hope i get through this semester… Seriously… Getting quite scared… :S

Since it’s been quite a while since i last updated, I shall start with last Friday night… I attended my form 5 class reunion… It was quite slow moving at first… Then, everyone warmed up and it was really great!! It was held at Kimberly’s place… Nice place but the security’s really high… Good in a way but it gets quite troublesome… We had lots of food and the atmosphere was really like we were all in form 5 again… We had great fun playing and taking pictures at the little playground… Haha… It was really great to meet up with almost everyone again… It was a pity that Pik Yee couldn’t make it… I miss her sooo much!! Nik wasn’t there too… Sigh… I bumped into her today though… I must admit, Zah was right bout Nik… Haha… She’s getting quite sarcastic… Haha… Narin was there and it was great fun!! Haha… Finally got to meet Tanya and Su Ann after saying we’ll meet up some time last time for such a long time already… Haha… Rai was there too!! I haven’t seen her since form 5!! There was Rosalind, Zah, Hana, Raena, Kimberly, Elicia, and the guys… Haha… Too many to mention… Really cool night!! Wonder if there’ll be another like that…

The next big happening was yesterday… Went to watch "War of the Worlds" with my darling… When we first went to One Utama together, we didn’t hold hands and stuff cos he might bump into his family… Yesterday, of all days, we didn’t think we would see anyone so we just acted normal and his sister spotted us together… His brother in-law came up to him to talk to him and i thought it was his friend or something… Then he told me and we were both so shocked!! Haha… Well, hopefully it doesn’t get to his mum… I really wonder what’s going to happen next… Hmm…

I’ve only had lectures this whole week. Tutorial classes and labs start next week onwards… It’s just the first week and i’m already tired!! Argh!! Not good…

I’ve got loads to do now… Everything to do with starting up the Monash Swimming Club… Sigh… Wonder when i can even get it done… Everyone’s chasing me to finish it!! Grr…

No class tomorrow… Planning to go swimming since i need the exercise and the training in order to perform well for the Inter-Programme Swimming Competition… Anyone in Monash who knows any swimmers who wants to take part in the Swimming Competition on the 3rd of September, please sign up through me or SSD k?? We really need to win this time… hehe… Kiasuness…

Went to KLIA last Wednesday… It was a field trip organized by the Monash Engineering Club. Met quite a few ex-Hartamas students there… Some of them are my seniors… Beatrice, Derek… Beatrice’s brother went for the trip… I didn’t know that outsiders could go for the trip… It was quite fun… We went to the control tower which has 28 floors… However, it goes from ground floor to the first floor to the 26th… There’s nothing in between… When we got to the main level where all the controls were, we really could see all around!! We could even see the buildings in Putrajaya in a distance… Really cool… After that, we went for lunch in the terminal… Yeah, it was really expensive… It’s the airport anyway, what do you expect… After lunch, it was back to Sunway…

On the same day, MX, LY, my darling and i were supposed to go for Starlight Cinema to watch Mr and Mrs Smith… Unfortunately, it started raining so we ended up in Midvalley… My darling bumped into a few of his friends that i happen to know… Haha… It was unexpected meeting them there… Anyway, my darling and i watched Fantastic Four… It wasn’t anything great… It was oklar… Just how they get their powers only…

I worked last night… Met Joan’s brother who was supposed to spy on his sister’s part-timer… Haha… He’s fun to talk to… Then i bumped into an old friend… Really old friend…

Can’t wait for the reunion tonight… Finally get to meet my old friends!!

Just got a bad scolding from my mum… My friend just came back from New Zealand and i’m so looking forward to meeting her but i don’t know if i can now. She messaged me asking if i was free on Wednesday cos she wanted to meet up. A few days ago, i was supposed to go out with my darling on Wednesday too to watch a movie so i had to ask my darling if it’s ok to bring my friends along. He was fine with it and since my darling doesn’t know this friend of mine, i had to call her to ask her if it’s alright that we’re watching this movie. She said she’s watched it so i had to ask the others what they have or haven’t watched… My mum heard me saying that i had to call the rest first and that i’ll get back to her… My mum started scolding me… Asking me why is it that i’m the one organizing and calling everyone when it’s my friend who came back and wants to meet up… She starts about calling worths money and i’m using a lot… that i earn a little and i use everything on my phone bill… I don’t!! I don’t call if i can help it… I only call when i have to arrange something and this is something that has to be arranged!! She asks why i have to give wake up calls for my friends… That calls like that is not necessary and that i’m wasting money… She says that once something is planned, it’s planned and they should know better… So now i’m scolded when my friend oversleeps and i’m scolded for trying to make them be on time… I don’t get it… Everything i do is wrong!! Why?? Then i’m also scolded cos my mum thinks i force my darling to go out with me… which is so NOT TRUE!! I never forced him to go out with me… He wanted to go watch a movie so i planned to go this Wednesday… My mum had to remind me that i’m a girl and that i shouldn’t push things… I’m not pushing anything… Just because my darling’s mum doesn’t know bout us and that we meet somewhere when we go out, my mum thinks i’m pushing things too far!! Am i?? She said, just be a student… I am a student… I’m not talking bout getting married or i’m not staying in the same house as my darling so what’s the big deal?? I seriously don’t understand my mum sometimes… Yes, i know… She’s stressed up cause she has been sick and yes, cos i didn’t drink that bloody home made barley which used to be a nice shade of purple but is now brown cos of the brown sugar… and yes, cos i didn’t pack my clothes yet but did she have to bring my darling into the topic?? Just because she wanted to give me a good scolding, she takes all the little things and make them into such a big deal!! It’s horrible!! So, now i don’t want to have to call anyone anymore… So, people, if possible… Don’t ask me to organize anything anymore k?? Even my brother hates me on the phone anyway…

I so need another phone for my other sim card… Damn… Having lots of stupid problems now… I just got 3 red lines running along my arm cos i was so angry… Don’t worry… It wasn’t with anything sharp… I used my fingernails… I really hope they go off soon though…

This week is really very hectic for me… I’ve got to meet up with my friends then there’s the swimming meeting on the same day!! How now?? Ugh… Then there’s still work in the evenings… And the KLIA trip… And RESULTS!! Oh no!! Then it’s back to studies next week… Geez… What in the world!! This is seriously very very HECTIC…

I really have to buck up for next semester. Seriously buck up… I really really want to do much better than i’m doing now… Yeah, "FOCUS" is the word now… It’s my mum’s favourite word too by the way…

My little life is screwed up… and there’s no escape from it… When will this end…

I love you, dear!!

I’m surprised that blogging has actually became a routine for me in some ways. There’s nothing much happening nowadays. Back from the trip and i’m surprised that i didn’t get any scolding from my parents regarding our misfortune. I’m not grounded too!! Amazing…

I’ve gone back to my part-time job… We’re having a promotional stall at the concourse at BSC so now MX and i are stationed there. It’s been pretty quiet this few days.

Sofiah che’s back!! Yippee!! She’s coming to KL soon and i can’t wait to catch up with her. Haven’t seen her for bout half a year!! Ugh… The world is indeed small. My group of swimming friends are overlapping my group of college friends and school friends… Haha… Everyone really is connected…

Second semester time-table’s already out. Argh!! Time really flies. Soon i’ll be back to the normal routine of uni life. My classes end so late somemore!! Ugh… At least i don’t have classes on Fridays… Hehe…

Where in the world is Camellia and Michelle?! Haha… Haven’t seen them in ages… Sigh… Miss them lots… Miss Gracie too… Hope you’re doing fine, dear!! Tanya!! I’m still waiting for that call!!

Bumped into Su Ann yesterday while MX and i were working… So nice to see her again!! Really must meet up with all the Utarid-ians… Miss high school… Sigh…

I’m finally back. Langkawi was a trip to remember. It was good and bad. Lots of things happened. I realized lots of things and i learnt a lot from this trip.

It started off on Thursday morning when i woke up to get ready for our flight. I turned on my phone and i got a message saying that our flight was retimed. I then had to call everyone and change our plans. My dad then took MX, LY, Brian and me to KLIA. We checked in and then we went to get some food. Everything’s seriously double the price there!! Ugh… Haha… Next was to get to the right gate and board the right plane, which we did. We took some pictures here and there. We finally took off and i did not get sick!! Yay!! I usually do but i think i’m outgrowing it…

After we touched down, the first thing was to take pictures… Haha… We rented a car in Langkawi. A Nissan Sentra for RM120 for 3 days 2 nights. It was quite a nice ride. Spacious enough for all of us. The hotel was not bad either. The pool was too shallow to swim so we just went down to dip. We had a walk to see the beach. The water was quite murky. We had to drive to Kuah town to get dinner and we did some shopping. Liquor’s really cheap and some chocolates were really cheap too. We got some beer to drink. We drank by the poolside while looking at the stars in the sky. Kept on bumping into Kah Ming and Ed who were in the same hotel as us. MX and LY got everyone to stay up late… or rather till early hours in the morning. The four of them played cards while i drifted in and out of sleep.

We went on a road trip for our second day. We went to see the Seven Wells. It was a tough hike up (i’m so out of shape!!) but it was really nice up there so it was worth the hike up. It started drizzling on the way up but we went ahead anyway. When we got down the hill, we saw a bunch of monkeys. There were 2 mother monkeys with their baby clung on to them. It was so sweet!! I took quite a few pictures of them. LY went to buy peanuts to feed them… She got the whole bunch of monkeys coming after her!! It was really funny. We then went to town again to have lunch and shopped again. We kept bumping into Ed and Kah Ming’s group!! It’s really a small island. We even bumped into Aaron. Of all places… After we got back to the hotel, MX, Sue and me went down to the beach to get some shells. I brought back a hermit crab but it just died yesterday… For dinner, we went to look for food in Pantai Chenang but there was nothing to eat there. We only got some souvenirs from there. In the end, we had to drive all the way to Kuah again to get KFC!! Haha… I got gastric on the way there. Couldn’t tahan already. When we reached back at the hotel, we had a little picnic on the bed… haha… It was really fun. Those crazy people - MX, LY, and Brian - didn’t sleep the whole night.

Then was the incredible happening of missing our flight back. Not planning to blame anyone. Just that it was out of LY’s and my control. In the end, we had to take the ferry to Penang where MX’s cousin brother took us to Taiping where we met Sue’s friend, Andy who was so nice to drive all the way from Subang to pick us to send us back to each of our houses… We got back early on Sunday morning. It was really very tiring but i kind of enjoyed it.

Lots of things happened during the trip. Some things that no one can understand and no one’s able to help me with so far. Everytime i say something they say it’s nothing. Somehow i keep thinking that it’s something. I haven’t learnt to deal with some negative feelings and i still don’t know what i’m going to do bout it. It really scares me… not knowing when that will happen. Maybe i’m not good enough. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Funny things happen when love is involved. I’m just stuck at a dead end. No where to go, no one to go to. Maybe i’ll just go back to Lil’ Lost Dolphin. I’m confused again…