.:DoLpHiN’s BloG:.

Last Sunday, i set a record for myself… I actually went to uni to study from bout 10 something in the morning till 2 in the morning!! I’m really surprised but i actually got work done!! Went to mamak at 2 something somemore… Only got home at bout 4a.m… Haha… Anyway, i have been spending a lot of time in uni studying this exam period cos of the great study group that i have, consisting of Vern, Jarryd, and Jon!! They’ve been great friends and great company!! Apart from me and my friends, MX, Sab and Kelvin were there too… On the way home, there was this stupid guy in this Skyline… He had a great car but a horrible attitude… He started annoying us 3 girls… MX was driving… Geez… Doesn’t he have anything else better to do?? Bleh!!

Momentum paper was freaking hard!! I didn’t have enough time at all!! Oh well, i just hope i pass… Dr. Ooi was really nice to help us out on Monday… It did help… Went to watch Zorro after the Momentum paper… It was a good movie!! Had dinner with my friends after that… Hui Lin and Jin Wei joined Vern, Jarryd, Jon, Brian, and Vern’s brother… We had Hartz…

I had the best birthday celebration is my whole entire life yesterday… Started off with going to Pyramid in the morning… Was supposed to go to Red-Box but but it was fully booked till 3 p.m so we had to do something else. We ended up going bowling… I broke a nail!! My thumb’s nail!! Ugh… But it was alright… Kinda rusty though… Haha… We then had lunch at Pizza Hut!! My dearest brother belanja-ed all of us… I love him sooooo much!! Then, it was time for the fun to begin… It was LUNA BAR time!! Those who were present… the girls: me, Mei Xian, Shelby, Way Yee, Sue-Ann… the guys: Vern Yew, Jarryd, Jonathan, Ryan, Wai Kitt, Weiwen, Khin Juan… The atmosphere at Luna Bar was nice… I just realize that i did a synchronized swimming performance there with my dearest friend, Melissa there for the launching of the new Listerine Pocketpacs 2 years ago… That was before Luna was open… Before Luna, I went to have dinner with Vern, Jarryd, Jon and Ryan at TGI Fridays in KL… The food was marvellous!! *Yum yum* *slurp* The mud cake and the chocolate cake was to die for!! Jarryd conveniently told the Fridays staff that it was my birthday and they came with a slice of cake with a candle on it and i had to follow the tradition by standing on the chair while they all sang… Haha… It was really fun though… At Luna, we opened a bottle Chivas and enjoyed the scenary… Hehe… It was breath-taking… Seriously… My friend was saying that if he got a girl-friend, he’ll bring her there for the scenary… Soooo romantic le… Haha… Li Ying came with Yuvaraj, Nicholas and Kamal close to closing time so they just walked in and we all just chilled for awhile more… Then at bout 1 a.m, the 11 of us (minus Wai Kitt) went to Bangsar (Devi’s Corner) just for a drink and chat. Way Yee and Weiwen went off after a while… Then, MX had to send Shelby home at bout 2 a.m and KJ went off too… After a while, the remaining 6 of us went to the park behind my house. We went to the playground and had loads of fun there… We talked, laughed, taught each other dancing, played around… Sigh… It was really really fun!! It was bout 4 something in the morning by the time i got home… It was the best birthday ever and i owe it to you guys and my girls… I’m really glad things worked out in the end… I’m waiting for another wonderful outing like this in the near future… Thanks again to everyone for the lovely presents and the wonderful times… *LOVE YOU ALL!!*

*MUAXXXXXXXX*

*HUGSSSSSSS*

I love this setting!!

Monash group picture!! Hehe…

My darling girls!! Love you!! *MUAXXX*

I don’t know what to say… The only thing i know is that i’m crushed… I feel betrayed… It hurts too bad… Why?? What did i do wrong?? It’s like i’ve lost my best friend… I never imagined that this would ever happen… I know people change and things change over time but what the fuck?? This kind of things shouldn’t!! If you anything against me, tell me right to the face k?? Don’t do things to hurt my feelings especially behind my back… I getting sick of such childish behaviour… *Sigh* I don’t even know why i feel so fucking angry at this… It seems like such a small problem… But it hurts like hell… I feel the stabbing in the heart… There are things that i really treasure and friendship is one of them… Am i such a bad person?? I know i have a VERY BAD TEMPER, i like to bitch, i rely on people too much, i’m not independent one single bit, i do horribly in my exams cos i’m STUPID, i’ll never look as good as some people, my personality scares people off… What else?? Why dont’ YOU tell me?? I know there’s lots you want to complain bout me… Fine… Complain all you like… You can complain right to my face k?? I believe in friends and sisters forever… but now i’m starting NOT to believe…

I’m just crapping bout stuff… You don’t need to understand what you’re reading… Just know that i’m hurt, crushed, depressed, and sad… Don’t ask me anymore than what you read… If you have anything to add to my list of bad stuff bout me, just drop me a comment… Thanks for reading…

What the hell lar… I feel so disappointed now… Why must the timing be so bad lar?? Now no more am i going to pick my brother up… Damn… And to think we just had a fight not so long ago… Now i don’t know how lar… And it seems like my dad has lost trust in me… I hate this sinking feeling… :’(

I can’t seem to study!! Finals are in 3 days!! I’m not even ready yet… What the f***!! Grr… I’m getting damn frustrated lar… Hate this… Sigh…

Last Saturday was fun but a really busy day for me. Went to uni for extra Electrical class. We did past year papers… tough… Started at 10 a.m and ended bout 12.15 p.m. Had lunch with Brian, Vern, Jarryd, Sue, Jon, Meng Sang, and Yong Hsin at Orange. The food has really improved a lot compared to when they first opened. After lunch, had to go over to Brian’s place to finish up our Structure project. I had to bring a change of clothes and all so i could go over to my uncle’s place and take a shower and go straight for Belle’s party. I left Brian’s place at bout 6 p.m. We had to go photostat some stuff then had to send him back, then went to my uncle’s place. Met up with my grandma and had a long chat with her. She told me bout this Jap/ Korean show bout this guys doing synchronized swimming. I saw a little of what they did and they were really good!! Reminded me of how much i miss doing synchro… Was supposed to reach Belle’s place at 7 p.m but i got hung up with talking and watching so i only left m uncle’s place at bout 7 p.m. Found Belle’s place with ease. When i reached, i bumped into this 2 guys who were standing outside Belle’s house in the rain. I offered them shelter under my umbrella and we stood outside waiting for someone to open the gate when it was opened the whole time!! Haha… When i went in, i only saw 1 familiar face… Kenneth!!!! Haha… Was feeling kind of left out at first but i started talking to the 2 guys i bumped into outside. Turns out that i look familiar to them and they look familiar to me… I still haven’t figured out where i’ve seen them before but what the heck… Turns out that we share some mutual friends… Really small world i tell you… The best thing was when Joanna and Yew Ming came in… I didn’t know who they were but they sat down next to me cos there wasn’t much place left… Suddenly, we started talking… found out that they were from Taman Sea and we found out that we both know Wai Kitt!! Scary?? Definitely… The 3 of us clicked straightaway… We just kept on talking bout so many things… Then the rest of the guys joined in and i left the party knowing bout 5 extra people!! I had soooooo much fun… Haha…

Was supposed to leave Belle’s place at 9 p.m to get back in time for my other party but i got caught up cos it was time for the birthday cake (which really reminded me of my mum’s chocolate cake… haha). I finally left at bout 9.30 p.m. Called LY and B. On the way back to my house, i picked B up then went back to unload my car… haha… Then, we were on our way to LY’s house to pick her up. On the way there, MX called saying that she’ll be at LY’s place… So, we went to pick LY and waited awhile for MX and then she came. After that, we went to collect our pizzas. *Yum yum* Finally, we were on our way to Eastin Hotel. Got there at bout 10 something, found parking in the basement and up we went to the suite. There was lots to drink and there were quite a few people there already. I spent most of my time watching the Liverpool match in the room… Haha… It was so comfortable just lying there… haha… I drank a beer and 2 glasses of vodka and i surprised myself by not really being affected by it since it was my first time drinking… Haha… Got to mix with some of them that i knew in high school but didn’t really mix with… I’m glad i found the time to mix with them… Found loads of new friends… The drive home was kinda cool… Got to drive at bout 120 plus cos LY, B, MX, and Jun had curfews… We did get back pretty late… Oh well… They all had to be back by 1 a.m which we didn’t make of cos but we weren’t that late lar… After all the sending back, i finally got home at bout 1.45 a.m. My brothers were still up. Talked to Ie-Tsen for awhile then went to take a shower. Did a little Structures then went to bed.

Next day, on Sunday, i had lunch with my family. Got up bout 11 a.m. Lazed around a bit then went to take a shower and changed. Then it was time to go for lunch at my relative’s restaurant. Had a good lunch and got back home with a very full stomach. Took a nap then had to go for work at Bangsar Village. Brought my Structures there to do. Ugh!! I started work bout 5 p.m then finished at bout 9.30 p.m. There was some problems with the stock. They were all mixed up!! So, Angela and i had to sort everything out again. That took a bit of time… Closing up for the stall took quite a lot of time too… There were so many boxes!! Haha… Couldn’t finish my Structures there so i continued when i got home. Only got to bed bout 1 something in the morning. Felt like a zombie yesterday morning… haha… Luckily didn’t have to present.

With finals next week, Brian and i actually went to Pyramid to watch ‘Into the Blue’. I was bored and so was he and our next class was at 3 p.m when it was only 11 a.m. I did feel a little guilty but oh well… I did have a good time. The plot of the show was oklar but i really liked the water and the bodies… Haha… Got back my Structure test 3 results yesterday and i failed badly… Sigh… :’( After that, i went home, slept awhile and got up for dinner. Went online to see if there was anyone going to uni today and planned things.

Today, i went to uni at bout 9 a.m. Went to watch the Structures presentation but i couldn’t really hear anything so just wasted time. Then went to the foyer to do work, eventually, i started chatting… Ugh!! I did do a bit of work though… haha… Went to pass the negatives back to Mr. Lawrence and then joined Vern, Jarryd, Jon, and friends for lunch. I came back right after lunch cos i was feeling tired and the foyer was too distracting anyway… Haha…

That has been my days so far… Finals in 6 days!! Gosh… *Bitting my nails* I’m still planning for Luna Bar on the 3rd of November… It’s something like my birthday gathering… Anyone who wants to go, contact me k?? I’ll be going to Redbox (Pyramid) in the afternoon on the 3rd too… Let me know!!

This sounds stupid but it’s true… I miss being crazy and hyper!! Haha… My friends were right… I was getting too uptight bout things… Well, today was a fun day and i didn’t see it coming!!

Went to uni like usual… Went to Comp Lab 5 and lazed around… Brian came not long after… We made our way to Lecture Theatre 7 at slightly pass 9. We reached there and Jeffrey wasn’t there yet. 9.15 came and we thought that there was no class when he suddenly strolled in… Oh well… He finished revision in bout 15 mins and went on to talk bout our project… Gosh… Only 2 speakers are required this time!! Yay!! Haha… Actually, i’m not too sure bout celebrating yet… *Grin*

After Structures, it was Momentum time and i soooo was not ready for it… Sigh… It was Q&A session and yes, as you guessed it, i did not do any studies yet but i did learn how to use the steam table after that… Haha…

Electrical class was pretty fun cos she’s doing Logic Gates which are pretty ok… Not as confusing as what we’ve been doing. I could actually get what she was trying to say!! Hehe… Most of it at least…

Had 3 hours break so Sue, Brian, Billie, Weiwen, Su Lin, Yi Haur and i made our way to Subang Parade to eat in Swensons… It was kind of disappointing… Sigh… Anywayz, was really full after that… Sue, Billie, Yi Haur and i went for our Computing test with a full stomach and was feeling kinda sleepy… hehe… We had quite a lot of fun in class… haha… The normal lar, copying and discussing and all… Haha…

After that, i joined Vern’s tuition class with Sue and Yi Haur… Pei Rin joined us for a while then Jarryd came too… We studied (and partly talked crap) from 5 till bout 7 something. Then Sue, Jarryd and i went to pasar malam and met up with Vern, his mum, and Yong Hsin… haha… I had lots of fun!! It’s been a long time since i last went walking around with Sue… Vern, Jarryd, and Yi Haur has finally seen my hyper side… not to mention Yong Hsin too!! Hehe…

I also met an old friend in the library… Caught up with him a little… Real small world… Hehe…

Now, i’m here… Just went through my Hysys and feeling sick of studying… Oh well, i think i should sleep soon… Feeling really tired… Sigh… Have tuition class with Vern tomorrow!! Hehe…

Good luck to all those having finals soon!! *Hugs*

I still love you with all my heart but i can’t take it anymore. I tried my best to keep things going for so long. The feelings just died. I only see your effort after it’s all over, but it’s too late. I tried not to ask for a lot, but i realize that it was a bad move too, it just made me miserable. It’s great that we’re still friends, good friends. We had a lot of good times and bad ones. The good ones, i’ll treasure forever. The bad ones, left behind as part of history. You were there for me when i was sad and i really appreciate those times. The things i said to you, i really meant them. What we shared was really beautiful. Sometimes i think back of those days, wishing we were like that once again but i know that we won’t, at least for now. Anything can happen in the near future. I shall not say anything bout that. Let time tell. I would like to wish you all the best for your finals. Thank you for everything, your support and care. Remember that i’m still your friend and that you can come to me for anything, ok?? *Hugs*

Shit happens all the time in life. I knew that you could never get everything you wanted in life. I don’t know why this always happens to me but everytime i meet someone special, the timing fails me. I’ve met a few special ones, almost all that i couldn’t share anything special with. We end up being good pals but the feelings have to be laid hidden deep in my heart, never to be brought to the surface. Once brought to surface, could be harmful to myself and others. That’s life. Oh well, to those special people in my life, those who i can really open up to, thanks for all the support when i was REALLY REALLY down. You helped cheer me up, putting a smile on my face, wiped off the tears from my face, helped me to my feet again. I hope our friendships will never end…

To my special angel, you were there for me when things got really rough. I misunderstood you once and you broke down with disappointment because of my foolishness but you never gave up on me till today. You held me up high with your love and support. You picked me up when i crumbled to the floor. You let me lean on you when i couldn’t stand on my own two feet. You share my train of thought, you understand me like you understand yourself. We nurtured this special bond between us till it’s almost visible. Never once did you hurt me deeply while i did that to you a few times, never caring if that wound couldn’t heal again. Now i understand what i did and i hope never to do that ever again. It’s almost impossible to find someone like that in one’s life so i hope i never lose you again. I almost lost you once and i felt miserable. That’s when i understood how much you meant to me. I would like to say sorry for hurting you so deeply then, i was immature and silly… I really want you to know that i love you to bits. Thanks for being there all the time. I really appreciate it. You were the one that showed me the right path this time, and most of the time, in fact… Haha… I was so blind then but i see it now. A very big hug to you!! *HUGS* I still owe you one… Haha… All the best for your finals!! Before i end, I just wanted you to know that you touched me, you made me stronger, you did your job awfully well…

To all my friends, those who have gone through all my mood swings and tantrums but still stood beside me, I LOVE YOU!! Hehe… New friends, old friends, pet-brothers, pet-sisters… everyone… You guys are the most important things in my life. Without you guys, i don’t think i’ll still be alive. To my dearest girls, "Thanks for sticking by me through everything. We shared so much for so long. Nothing in the world can replace our friendship. After so long, after all the shits we go through, we’re still so close… That’s the greatest thing." (You know who you are). To my friends who went to UK recently, i’m missing ALL OF YOU soooooooo much!! Keep in touch!! *MUAXXXX*

~To all those who reads this, PLEASE do not come up with a conclusion and think otherwise. I kept all names out for a reason. I don’t want any trouble to happen because of what i’ve just said but i had to write them cos they’re bursting to come out… Haha… Oh well, that’s me… I’m a very emotional person as everyone knows… Hehe… Thank you for your co-operation… :D~

Why is it that you want things that you don’t have/cannot have more than the things you already have??

Life just gets weirder and weirder the older you get, and the older you get, the more troubles and problems arise.

Is it possible for someone to be really happy with her/his life just the way it is??

Is it possible for someone to have no longing at all for something she/he doesn’t have??

Finals are up in less than a month. 24 days left from today. *Shit* I just hope i pass. That’s all i need. I just need to get through to the next step.

~Looks like it’s time to start digging my grave…~

The one week break started off ok. Went to One Utama with my girl-friends (minus one). It’s a pity LY couldn’t go. I miss her. Shelby, MX and i went to One Utama for dinner. We went to Italianese. The food was oklar. The best part of the night was when i got up to leave the place, i turned around and i looked right into the face of my really long lost friend/pet-sister. It’s been ages since i last saw her. Then when i greeted her and was talking, i realize that she was with my old tuition friend. It turned out to be her friend’s friend. Gosh. I was so shocked!! This world is really getting too small. Haha. I was pleased to bump into them though. Am meeting up with Annabelle this Thursday, hope everything goes well.

KJ joined us in One Utama after our dinner, Brian couldn’t come. Then about 10 something, we decided to go for Mangoloh. Brian joined us then. I had lots of fun!! It was great. Everyone was getting along so well with each other. *Smiles*

Was supposed to work on Sunday evening but i couldn’t even get out of bed. Had really bad ‘pains’. Was supposed to study but am getting lazy. Went to work last night. It was really quiet. Am supposed to pick my brother up after his work later at bout 2 a.m. It’s the time when all the crazy drivers come out. I really got a scare on my first night last Thursday. Will try to be more alert and awake today.

Got to go to uni on Wednesday. First for Structures meeting at 9a.m if my other team-mates can make it, then council meeting at 12p.m, then have to stay till 4.30p.m for swimming classes. Gosh… That’s a busy day for me. I had better get some studies done soon if not i’m a real goner… Why do i keep saying that but i still do nothing… Sigh…

It’s time to go now.

We had to construct a model of a bridge using only newspaper and glue. Our testing was yesterday. It was successful. Our hard work paid off. Our bridge weighed 2.25kg. It had to first support 1kg of weights. Then we had to put weights on it till our bridge deflected by 6.5mm. It took 28.8kg to do so to our bridge. Then came the fun part. We had to put loads on our bridge till it breaks. We tried putting weights on it but we couldn’t fit everything on. We put quite a bit already but it was still standing well… so we took turns standing on it… Haha… I went first being the lightest… After all my group mates went on, it was still intact so we went 2 by 2. I stood on it with Brian and nothing happened. We kept on increasing the load till it was about 138kg when one of the cables finally snapped. That was one of the fun labs.

Another was our momentum lab last week. All of us seriously got WET!!! We had to measure the flowrate of water using different connections. WET WET WET!! Haha. We were all having fun doing the lab. Only the calculations were a headache.

Just had 2 tests today… Computing and Electrical. Computing was fine. Electrical was a killer. Oh well.

Looks like i’m going into Electrical. I know everyone says it’s really tough and i know it is. I’m not 100% sure i love it but i’m willing to try. My parents are quite set with me doing Electrical. I really hope i pass Electrical this semester. If not, i’ll be doing Mechanical. Only time will tell.

There’s one week break next week. Our long awaited break!! Am supposed to go to Mid-Valley with darling Sue… Can’t wait to take a little break from lectures but there’s lots to do for this break… Momentum project, Structure project, study for Electrical, Computing, Momentum, and Structure… Doesn’t sound like a break anymore… Haha…

Kah Ming’s farewell tomorrow!! He’s leaving on Fri!! ~Snifff~ I’m so going to miss him. *Sigh* Oh well, can’t stop him for going… Haha…

I guess that’s it… I better go off now… Got to start doing my Problem Sets for Momentum which i have been neglecting… Then to bed i go!!

I should be over it by now but i’m not??

Are these signs that i should not do what i have actually set my mind on for the last few months??

When will this torture end??

Why am i not doing what i should be doing??

What’s wrong with me??

Why is all this happening now??

Maybe it’s just not meant to be??

Am i just fooling myself??

How do i go through all this shit??

I’ve hit a dead end… I’ve got nowhere to go and no one to go to… I just don’t understand… I’m dead… I’m a gonner… I’m alone…